Chessed Begins at Home and in the Home

      Chessed is about giving of oneself and thinking of someone else. To think outside of your own Self. It is life at the crux of living. Chessed – acts of kindness. Be kind to yourself as well as to those around you. Be polite and greet each person with a smile.  “Hello” and “Goodbye”; “please” and “thank you” and “you’re welcome”; “excuse me” and “I’m sorry” – all are expressions that go a long way in daily interactions with people in the home , work , and the people you might meet on the street.     But chessed begins at home and in the home. It is part of our early childhood lessons. We learned from the way our parents related to each other. And we integrated these lessons to who we have become. If a parent showed gratitude to the other we learned to appreciate what our parents provided for us. And we also learned to recognize Hashem’s involvement in creating the world we live in. Hashem provides for us and our parents do too. And the cycle continues as we provide for others. We provide more than the physical if we remember that it is important in the how we do it – attitude.      However chessed must begin with one’s own family first. Spouse and children and animals take first priority over anything outside the home. Although it is very admirable to do chessed outside the home (and get a break from the children), if one does is away from home doing chessed too much, others in the family may resent it and the thought of anything chessed. Family comes first in chessed. First,-chessed to and within the family; and then one can branch out to and for the neighbors and community.     With all this said, there is the flip-side to the equation of chessed. And I base my theories and outlook on articles I read many years ago in the English Modia and English Yeted Neeman newspapers –just because a person can help (owns a car) does not mean they have the time to drop everything they are doing to accommodate your immediate needs. There are always other factors to the equation to consider. Timing – when you ask and what is going on in the life of the other person, as well as to “judge favorably” for we do not know all the story if/when someone says no to our request of what we decide should be their chessed to/for us.       Chessed, as with volunteerism, can give one a feeling of satisfaction and altruism and even a sense of belonging. Research has proven that people who give of their time are less likely to become depressed and lived longer than their contemporaries. I guess kit is a CHESSED to one’s self to be involved with chessed. 

“Bikur Cholim” For All, Especially the Mentally Ill

        An American woman, Moreen Greenberg, has been living in Tzfat, for well over 25 years. She is sometimes occupied with the mitzvah of Bikur Cholim (visiting the sick) in some form or another. Married, but with no children, she has “more” time than some other people to devote to her work, and chessed.  One of her passions is her love and respect for art and painting; and she is an artist. She has painted murals at the hospital and near the Mercaz Klita (absorption center) for Ethiopians in Tzfat. She teaches art individually and in small groups.      Many years ago she was informed about a position as an assistant to the art therapist at the Mental Health Hospital in Tzfat. She worked there for 10 months assisting the therapist as a ‘translator” for staff meetings and in group therapy. At the end of the 10 months, Moreen was left with a dilemma- to study to become an art therapist or to devote her time to painting. She chose to remain “just” an artist and paint.      She did however become involve with the founding and establishment of a branch of Enosh in Tzfat. {Enosh is a moadon (club/meeting place) for people with mental health issues/disorders. In the beginning it was just a club- a place to hang out three times a week in the afternoon where one who is different can feel “normal” amongst friends of a similar background. A typical afternoon was spent schmoozing, enjoying hot or cold drinks, table-tennis, art, or sometimes a talk or lecture. Nowadays, Enosh provides so much more – including hostels and protective housing.}       Moreen is still an active volunteer at Enosh using her art as a tool to help others. As a volunteer; she has over the years become friendly with many of the “regulars” who frequent the moadon. As their friend, she has noticed what others are too afraid to realize on what they observe. Many of these ex-patients (most are diagnosed with a psychiatric disorder and are on medications) are being over-medicated on a regular basis and not receiving enough proper psychological counseling to supplement their over-all comprehensive care.       Moreen has become a spokeswoman for the “cause”- a patient advocate to the rights of the mentally-ill to receive the best possible care without being turned into a zombie! Time and again, and through friends of friends, people call on Moreen for aid in fighting the System against over-medication. On the rise recently, are families that their adolescent children are being hospitalized for outrageous behavior or conduct disorder. But, all too often teenagers are first “tranquillized” without receiving a complete and comprehensive diagnostic testing, such as the very important blood work up crucial to any diagnosis. Parents are too terrified to question the psychiatrists and are even “bullied” by some in the professional field. Patients have rights and so do teenagers.      The side effects (muscle spasms, slurred speech, weight loss or weight gain to mention but a few) of many psychiatric medications can be debilitating to the person taking them as well as puzzling (or even repelling at times) to the people around them – all the more so when dealing with the bodies and hormones of young adolescents. And sudden withdrawal from these powerful drugs without any supervision can be very dangerous. A complete medical and blood work must be done to ascertain that there are no underlying medical conditions manifesting to mental and psychiatric symptoms. Some underlying conditions are as “simple” as dehydration and thyroid conditions which can manifest as an emotional breakdown, depression or mental illness.      Even if a person is in genuine need of psychiatric medication it would be best that it be in conjunction with counseling. According to research, people in need of psychiatric medications do better while also receiving counseling or other supportive therapy and are more likely not to be re-hospitalized. Such is the hope for any individual under psychiatric care. And so too is the supportive structure for the “patient” and family.

CHESSED POEM

Chessed is very individual
      And Chessed is very personal: 
Chessed is so we can emulate
Hashem-at least to try in every way.
Every one of us has their style-
Some stay home and keep others up to date
Some go out-even to travel many a mile.
Each person does chessed every day
Doing chessed is our Destiny and our Fate.
      Chessed is more than any one thing-
      Hosting guests, visiting the sick-and so many more.
      Each one of us can find what to do.
      Some people work and sing.
      Some stay home and need to focus on family.
      Everyone finds what to them is not just a chore.
      Do what fits your heart-not for me but for YOU.
 

Meals on Wheels within the Hospital

     The food cart “clank-clanks” around the different departments of the Tzfat hospital offering cooked prepared meals to the “escort” next to a hospitalized person or a one visiting in an out-patient clinic. What a mouth-watering experience it can be!

      All too often when someone is hospitalized even with an “escort” staying by their side or when someone goes for an appointment as an out-patient in a clinic, food is not always available that is Kosher leMehadrin, or it can get pricey. Especially when the time in the hospital can take much longer than anticipated.

      In September of 2006, the Yad Eliezer  branch in Tzfat was finally able to accomplish their dream of providing a warm nourishing meal for people in the hospital sitting next to a patient or in an out-patient clinic. These are the same type of meals given out to many citizens during the War the summer of 2006.

     The Tzfat hospital is THE hospital of the North covering an area spanning from Karmiel to Kiryat Shemona – including kibbutzim and Arab, Druze and Circassian villages. A patient’s sojourn in the hospital may have come by a long journey off and on buses, and so too the one visiting. Meals served on the wards are for the most part only for the patient (although the exception to this is pediatrics and a nursing baby – the mother may be offered hospital fare).

     The Yad Eliezer “meals on wheels” are free and very much appreciated. They are given out by female volunteers, most of who are from the Meor Chaim neighborhood of Tzfat.

     Anyone interested in knowing more information or how to help, can call Dalya Dayan at 04-697-3135.

The Many Faces of Chessed

What is “chessed”?  “Chessed” is the word for “kindness”- as in performing acts of kindness. Acts that most anyone routinely does.     What compels one to do chessed? One is compelled to do chessed as an innate trait of trying to emulate Hashem. It is an attribute that a Jew strives for and says as part of the morning prayers of Shacharit.  Chessed is one of the “foundations” that the world stands on along with Torah and Avodah.      For whom does one do chessed? One can perform acts of kindness to anyone and everyone. “Kol Yisrael Areivim zeh Lazeh”-“Each Jew is Responsible for the Other”.     What are “acts of kindness”?  These are many – simple in the doing to the extent that the doing can seem so mundane that one does not even consider it an “act of kindness”.     What one person considers trivial might be the biggest chessed. Loaning a neighbor a bag of milk or bread, etc or other sundry items that a person needs is just one example. Another example is “hachnasat orchim”-inviting guests (a friend or a stranger) for a meal – usually on a holiday – and often even last minute. Collecting money/fund-raising for a person/family in need, or a Yeshiva – this, too, falls under the category of chessed.  As does visiting the sick (at home or in the hospital) and looking out for their needs. Being a supportive friend to someone in distress can be emotionally draining yet it is also an extraordinary chessed. This is but a smidgen of a list of chessed performed on a daily basis by so many people throughout the world.      But my goal is not to reach the world, nor to bring recognition to specific individuals. Because in talking to individuals, I have learned that for the most part, a person would prefer to remain anonymous and hidden from others. That when a mitzvah of chessed is revealed the person feels exposed and “vulnerable” – and this takes away from the actual chessed that was done. People are not involved with chessed for the recognition they might achieve, or receive. Chessed is a “work of the heart and for the heart”.       Some “acts of kindness” began as a personal “endeavor” to make the world a better place, to change things or awaken awareness to a situation.     “Olam Chessed Yiboneh” – the World is Built on Acts of Kindness. Being courteous – to remember to greet the people you meet on the street with a ‘cheery’ hello (or any “hello” will do) is a wonderful start to anyone’s day, not to mention “please”, “thank you”, “your welcome” and “I’m sorry” when each is applicable. Yet these simple phrases are the basis for human decency and a key element “VeAhavta LeReacho Komocho”- “loving your fellow Jew”. All are chessed.       There were those whom I spoke to who in the beginning felt “coerced”- as in a group or organization that needed another person to fill in (as when dividing up the Book of Tehillim to be recited in one day). Yet after joining, a sense of fulfillment and calmness filled the person. And then chose to continue.        There are myriad ways and styles of doing chessed in the world. But this is just a small compilation of stories of individuals and what they do that is remarkable and extraordinary to others – but not to/for them. This is the on-going saga of the people and their lives in this small “corner” of Safed (Tzfat.)  This column will respect the wishes of those who wish to remain anonymous. The goal in this writing is not to publicize nor embarrass anyone, but rather to inspire people to do acts of kindness and to recognize the goodness that already exists in the world. By enlightening others the world will become a better place for all.