One Woman’s Chessed Multiplied for Many Women

       “Behind every great man is a woman” is a well-known phrase that rings true for many events and projects in Tzfat. This woman (who chooses to remain anonymous),besides being a supportive wife, is the person behind the scenes even on what she herself organizes.        As a woman who lives in Tzfat, I have seen up close the results of this woman’s endeavors. One being the organized get-togethers for women for/on Rosh Chodesh .Women have a special relationship to Rosh Chodesh. On Rosh Chodesh, we say “Hallel” and “Yaaleh VeYavo” in our davening. And in many places around the world, there are organized get-togethers for women for/on Rosh Chodesh. So, too, are there in Tzfat.       Another project she undertook was the Orthodox Women’s Phone Service which gave information about lectures, classes, public sales and a short Dvar Torah. It ran for many years and only recently ceased to function due to lack of funding.       Although this woman is very busy (besides being a wife and mother) as a teacher in different places and teaching several few topics, she also runs an educational “business” from her home.       In spite of all these activities, she took on yet another activity about five years ago – by chance. She organizes a Religious Women’s Retreat in Rosh Pina for English-Speakers.      It all began on a family outing to Rosh Pina – a walk in its Old City when someone needed to use the restrooms. They were walking along a street with many B&B (bed and breakfast) and saw a woman in her front yard. Her name, as they soon learned is Tehilla. She offered them the use of the restrooms, as well as inviting them in for a short while. The woman in our story and her family were quite spellbound by the quaintness and coziness of this B&B in Rosh Pina –Villa Tehilla.

      Villa Tehilla: large expanse of land enclosed in an atmosphere of quaint, rustic, in the heart of Nature. Cobble-stone grounds, individual and different rooms, parakeets, a pool and separate Jacuzzi and a billiard table. Walk down more cobble stones and steps and one enters an enchanted and magical (almost mystical) garden area replete with several hammocks and cobalt metal blue chairs or picnic benches and wooden chaise swings. And a small petting zoo. Not to mention the view in all directions.     Upon this woman’s return to Tzfat, she talked with a few of her friends about possibly enjoying the Villa Tehilla at a future date. After many phone calls and notices put out, a plan was devised and about 20 women went on their first “sleepover” for one night only (the fee included only the beds they slept on) to Villa Tehilla. As the place does not have Mehadrin supervision it was suggested that each woman bring the food they enjoyed.       The second year, the retreat was lengthened to two nights and one cooked meal was provided in addition to the “sleepover”. The meal was cooked by this woman. The food was tasty. But after everyone returned home, she became debilitated physically and overwhelmed. She realized that even with all her efforts, she needed to delegate responsibility to others when possible. Sort of like Moshe Rabbeinu in the Midbar.       In subsequent Retreats, she has hired a caterer and young girl to help with setting up the food. The food is “specialized” in that after each Retreat she asks how to improve on the menu offered. The palates of the English-speaking clientele seek out recipes with minimal oil and fresh flavorful salads –a menu of natural tasting food, which is what offered.

      What this woman has come to realizes about the retreats and why the need for one specifically for English-speakers is that a sense of relaxation occurs when the “hustle and bustle” of the every day are put on hold for the woman to replenish herself in a care-free environment, to do with herself as she pleases. Meals are like an “open bar”. The lectures are available for one to enter, sit, listen and enjoy. The pool, Jacuzzi and the gardens are all accessible to whoever whenever. Nothing is a “have to” but a “can, want, do”. Some women come to meet others and some come for solitude. All should be respected in what they choose.       At times, this woman has considered it necessary to “distance” herself in order to protect herself. She cannot handle any complaints or negativity – especially not during the retreat itself. All her energies are expended in preparation of when to put out notices advertising the retreat, the ensuing phone calls to accommodate individual needs as roommates, food allergies–if any, and payment instructions – all of these aspects require emotional distance to survive the responsibility as someone in charge.  Her family is very supportive during the two months duration – of the before, during and after. Her husband takes on certain family responsibilities that are not his usual.  
      
 Consequently, given all these factors, she decided to charge a higher price for the retreat. But it is still quite reasonable. For three women in a room and six meals altogether – two nights and three days –the fee was 620 SH a woman.       I know as this past summer, 2007, I participated in my first retreat. Aside from all the “attractions” I mentioned above, there were also lectures: one on Shalom Bayit; another to do with shidduchim by an experienced shadchanit; one older woman spoke about her experiences during the Holocaust and being in hiding-she only made Aliya two years ago to be near her daughter; and one woman spoke about the “lost” Jews of Portugal (the anussim). I found the lectures mesmerizing as did many others. We sat at the edges of our chairs begging for more. I did!        All photos courtesy of Rochel Black.  To order copies of these or other photos, via photomax.com, contact atrblack@hotmail.com.       For more information on the Religious Women’s Retreat for English-Speakers in Rosh Pina, please call 04-692-5251. 

The Family That Always Looks Up

       In Tzfat there is family that “embraces” children experiencing Down’s syndrome. When I look at them with their children I see a family always looking UP – a positive outlook but when things get tough, they look up – to Hashem.
        There are families that after the initial “shock” of having a child with Down’s gear up to the task at hand – raising a child with developmental delays and possible health problems of the heart, lungs, intestines and teeth.  Parents get proactive. They research the early intervention treatments available and diligently attend sessions for the benefit and over-all health of their child. They find the joy there is in having a child with Down’s along with its difficulties and stresses.

       Having a child with Down’s syndrome can be emotionally difficult for anyone but for many families there are still those who feel it is a stigma and are embarrassed by their child. This need not be the case, but unfortunately it all too often is.
       Regretfully, there are families that although they realize their limitations in raising a child with Down’s – not necessarily because of the stigma it might cause – but because they have several children and they don’t think they can devote the time needed towards their child. Others just abandon their baby at the onset in the hospital shortly after the birth.

       Much has been written on the Down’s infant and early intervention programs, what to expect health-wise, as well as how cheerful and loving they are growing up. Reality mirrors the books along with the day to day struggles.       The Ben-Baruchs, Chaya and Yisroel, made Aliya from Alaska over ten years ago as a family of six. What is so remarkable about them is that although one child was born to them with Down’s, they later chose to adopt a child specifically with Down’s so that their son would not grow up alone. Now their family has expanded – not by birth – but rather by other Down’s children abandoned at the hospital or by word of mouth to step in and talk/counsel new families to the joys (and tribulations) of living with Down’s on a day to day basis.
     The Ben-Baruchs did not from the start of their marriage choose to be parents to children who experience Down’s. It happened by Divine Providence. The first two children were born without too much difficulty and all went pretty much as planned. There were a couple of miscarriages thrown in to challenge them. At the fifth pregnancy a fervent prayer went out from Chaya’s mouth – “Please let this child live!” And live he did, and does. In the beginning, some of his features of Down’s were not as noticeable. Chaya asked the midwife if he was Down’s. The midwife was not sure and said “Just take him home and love him.” A week later his heart problem, typical in babies who have Down’s, was detected.  By the age of three months he had heart surgery.

     As part of the Ben-Baruchs diligence and involvement to caring for their newborn Down’s son, they attended a conference for families and professionals of Special Needs kids. They were very impressed with what one woman said about her twins who died at age eighteen of a congenital disease. She spoke of how happy she was that the twins had each other growing up. After hearing this story the Ben-Baruchs decided to pursue adopting a child with Down’s. This second child with Down’s brought the family up to four kids at the time of Aliya.
       The idea of having a child born with Down’s for some might be a tragedy, but the Ben-Baruchs, after having one born to them, see it as a “mission” to help others realize the joy that can be found and not as a tragedy. The Ben-Baruchs advocate for the care and love needed for these children. Having a child with Down’s is not a misfortune as some may think – it is work – but well worth the rewards. Anyone can give birth to a Down’s baby – it is not genetic or hereditary -and rare for it to happen more than once in an extended family.

        She and her husband, Yisrael, have also become foster parents. Shortly after they were living in Tzfat, it was brought to their attention about a one month old baby in the hospital – abandoned. It took a month of dealing with bureaucracy before she joined the family as a foster child on a permanent basis. They are not allowed to adopt this child, now nine and a half years old, as the Revacha (social services) have not given permission. The Revacha does not allow one to adopt more than two children with Down syndrome.
       After taking home this baby, the Ben-Baruchs began receiving phone calls from time to time asking if they could speak to families that had just given birth to a Down’s baby. They do so and much more. They listen and talk and listen some more. They advise and guide families in a calm and serene manner.

      About two years ago, the Ben-Baruchs were contacted numerous times about a baby abandoned at the hospital with the most complex of medical problems of all the Down’s children they have cared for to date. Some time after meeting this little fellow when he was just less than two months old, they jumped in as his foster parents. But there is still a kesher (contact) with his birth mother from time to time. He was released from the hospital when he was six months old.
      Nonetheless the phone calls keep coming. And unfortunately, although the Ben-Baruchs are on call and meet with families, babies are still rejected just because they were born with the extra chromosome that makes them Down’s. And when needed the Ben-Baruchs are the foster family until a family gets a handle on what it is to be a parent to their own child so the baby need not suffer alone in the hospital..

      Government stipends are not the reason the Ben-Baruchs do what they do. The minimal money allotted is but a drop in the bucket for caring for a “normal” child let alone one with special needs. The Ben-Baruchs are people who are caring, devoted loving parents in every sense of what a parent should be.

      They are involved with Birkat Haderech, a place for explaining and saving children with special needs from abandonment by their birth parents; to offer these families knowledge and emotional support to care for the child, or to help find appropriate homes for long-term foster care when needed. They have a therapeutic staff (doctors and social workers), and respite care when families need a break. They are always looking for more families who are willing to take an abandoned special needs child.
    As an advocate for Down’s, Chaya is a public speaker and lectures for and about Down’s and Special Needs children in high schools and other various groups.    They can be contacted through chaya2426@013.net.