The Gifts of Giving

(First printed in “Yated Neeman” newspaper — revised version)

        Did you ever look at the face of a child as they open a gift? I have. And let me tell you that the sheer anticipation, curiosity, and excitement, that can be seen as they remove the wrapping paper – is a sight to behold.

        I think of how I often want gifts. Gifts make us feel special. Gifts make us feel wanted. Gifts make us feel important. And all the more so when a gift is wrapped!

       However I know that as much as I want to receive gifts and wished that I received more (hey, I’m only human; with attributes of jealousy and desire that I need to curb – and I want to feel important, special, and valued as a human-being), that when I do in fact receive a gift, I open it with apprehension and a bit of trepidation.  Why, you may ask. The answer is actually quite simple. You see, I am afraid I won’t like or appreciate that which has been given to me. I know one should always open a gift with a smile and say “thank you”.  I also know that all too often it has happened that I did not like what I was given.

       Sometimes I think the best thing is just give me chocolate (please, no coconut) or a voucher to buy books at the Jewish Book Store.

      On the other hand, I absolutely enjoy giving gifts to friends. Gifts can be a symbolic way of showing gratitude and hakarat hatov, recognition and “thank you” for kindnesses and chessed done to and for me.

      My gifts are practical and useful with a lot of thought and consideration put into the choosing. The items I choose are usually inexpensive. For the most part they are well appreciated. Only one friend requested that I refrain from giving gifts.

      My “trademark” on gifts is that it has be practical or useful. Gifts are not only for birthdays or for a wedding or Bar-Mitzvah, or some other event in the life-cycle.  At times a gift is given when a person is ill (especially if a person is laid up for a long time). Or a gift might be given in celebration of a job well done.

      Not all gifts are tangible. Some gifts are the actual gift of friendship – acceptance and trust between two individuals. In life we have to learn to accept all types. I have to learn the art of receiving gifts from my friends.

       Life is a give and take situation on an almost daily basis. In order to live life fully, one has to have a sense of emotional balance and timing on giving and taking. There is always a compromise to be made in everything that we do so as not to over-do any impulsive giving.

      By nature, some people are “givers” while others are “takers”. 

      “Givers” devote themselves to others in helping and nurturing. They give of themselves in advice, possessions and time.

      “Takers” are those who at times seem to “drain“ you of your vitality by squeezing your emotional energy and stamina dry until you feel yourself on “empty”.

     Some people only know how to “give” but not “take”. But in this case the intent to “take” is to “receive”.  On this too, there has to be a balance otherwise feelings of frustration can erupt at the lack of reciprocity. 

     One cannot only give. One has to know also how to take – to receive. One must accept with gratitude and love that which has been given and understand the incentive behind the giving.

     Individuals who only “take” are missing out on the inner joy that is attained through giving of oneself. And one cannot only give to oneself!

     Everyone has something to give – even just listening is giving of oneself and an amazing chessed.

     Correspondingly, one who gives to others without accepting what others give to them – or tries to give to them – are missing out on receiving love for themselves. In reality allowing others to give to you is also a form of giving!

      The act of “taking” for a “giver” is a form of harmony and inner balance in their emotional well-being. When you allow yourself to take from others, you are, in essence giving to yourself. And giving to yourself is to love yourself and value who you are as creation of Hashem.

       Coincidentally it is a necessary art in-the-learning on the way we accept gifts. No matter how big or how small – from the wrapped-up gift to the smile on a friend’s face as you walk in their door to visit them – all take a certain amount of effort on our part. An effort to show gratitude to all gifts but even more importantly to the One Above for all that He does for us.