A Very Special Gift from Hashem: a Foster Family

            A young girl, pregnant and alone. Abortion was not in her mental vocabulary but neither was the concept of raising a child at this stage of her life. And then she gives birth to a baby boy early – at 25 weeks! She bestows upon him the name Shai (gift); an “unusual” name considering she didn’t want him to begin with and yet she decided he was a gift.

           The baby was left in the hospital in an incubator – after being resuscitated and having low apgars. He developed hydrocephalus (water on the brain that causes the head to enlarge disproportionately to the body) but as he was abandoned at the hospital nothing can be done. And yet he survived against the odds of death.

           A family, the Cohens, in another city has been dreaming (not just any dream as a hope, but a real dream in the mother’s sleep around the time this baby was born); hoping and wishing; davening of becoming a foster family to a Special Needs child. They were inspired by the Ben-Baruchs of Tzfat (who raise children experiencing Down syndrome) of whom their story has been written about in many magazine articles.

         The Cohen family already has several children, all healthy, B”H. They approach the proper authorities in pursuit of becoming foster parents for a child with Down’s. A year passes, yet their dream stays alive in their hearts; and then a phone call about this baby boy.

          They jump at the chance and rush to welcome him into their home. Now, finally, his hydrocephalus can be treated. A Pediatric Neurosurgeon is consulted and surgery to insert his shunt is performed. A shunt is a special drain and tubing from the head that usually goes down into the abdomen. Depending on certain medical and health symptoms, development and normal growth patterns, another surgery to change the shunt or parts of it might become necessary.

        The Cohens embrace Shai wholeheartedly with all their love as each family member fights for their turn to hold and cuddle this baby who was left with no one from the second he was born. The love and cuddles and hugs that every baby deserves and thrives on.

        They arrange for Shai’s brit mila and add a name to his name.

       Shai was premature, with hydrocephalus and enough medical problems that his hospital release papers were nine pages long! And yet he, at five months lives and breathes. He does not appear to be five months but neither does he look like a baby born prematurely. He appears to be a robust three month old who slowly but surely is catching up in his developmental milestones of babyhood. He lifts his head and makes baby coos and gurgles. He smiles. And he eats heartily.

       And this is after a minor/major setback as he developed an infection just days after his shunt surgery that necessitated hospitalization with IV antibiotics for three weeks. Do you know how difficult it is to find a vein in the body of an infant? At times almost impossible! The veins are tiny and prone to collapse. And Shai’s did. A “minor” surgery (with anesthesia) was advised to insert an IV into the chest that would be more permanent. The Cohens agreed. But the chest IV lasted just over a week. Another poke and yet another and another as poor Shai screams and screams as only a baby in pain can do. The 4^th poke is a success. And then the removal of the stitches and the IV in the chest. Shai gives a repeat performance. How much “pain and torture” can one baby take? Understandably, after his evening bottle he slept real well!

        Unfortunately that IV didn’t last long and another procedure was advised to insert the IV. Reluctantly the Cohens agreed, however the doctors were unsuccessful. A specialist, the Pediatric Neurosurgeon was called and it was decided to release Shai to his home, to his family and there he would continue antibiotic treatment by mouth.

        I know all this as I was asked if I could  help with babysitting while he was in the hospital to” relieve” the parents so they could both be with the other children on Shabbat. They were promised a “budget” from Social Services for certain situations. I don’t mind hospitals and I know some of the nursing staff from when my daughter was in hospital years ago. And besides in this freezing cold weather, at least I know that in the hospital I would be warm!

        While babysitting this very special gift from HaShem, people were amazed at me that I was with Shai and his parents were at home. I remember all too well the exhaustion and frustration of being alone in the hospital to care for an infant that can’t seem to stop crying. I may have done a mitzvah and a chessed but I was in it for the heat (and anyone who has ever visited my home on the top floor apartment knows how freezing cold it is)!

        The real chessed is taking in another’s child as your own to love and care for, and all the more so in a child with Special Needs. The Cohens do this not for the money they may get from Social Services but rather from the realization that they have what to contribute to help someone else – a baby seemingly forsaken. A baby in need of a family. And a family desirous of a child to love and care for when others might not.

       This is the gift that Shai has given all of us; the gift of giving of ourselves and of love.

       And Shai, to me, is an inspiration.