Knowing How to do the Chessed of Bikkur Cholim

Over the past few months that I have been home after the katyusha invaded my home during last year’s war on Israel, I have been alone a lot. I have been unable to work outside my home as I had ankle fusion surgery last August 28, 2007. Instead I read, watch TV, and write. When I am bored, I search the Net. I type in TV shows or movies; medical predicaments; and names of people I know to see if they are in the computer cyberspace. You’d be surprised at who is.         Just a few short months ago when typing in my name, Mikimi, the computer blared at me the name of the famous song known from Reb Shlomo Carlebach’s singing. There was also another spelling for my name, Mekimi.          I clicked on the link and was “introduced” to a chessed organization in New York via a blog written by a young girl who had Hodgkin’s when she was sixteen and is now in remission and married with a baby boy.        Her blog is a compilation of her diary/journal entries of the time period shortly before she became ill, throughout her diagnoses and treatments, as well as her experiences with the idiocy of human nature. I have been in email correspondence with her since August .         I have asked her permission to “copy” her last entry for the purposes of this chessed blog as I felt it was applicable and necessary for people to realize that Bikkur Cholim is an important mitzvah, but even more so when done “correctly” with the patient in mind, and not just the chessed of proclaiming that one has “visited the sick”.     Below is what she wrote:  

Monday, October, 15, 2007     An Ocean Away

 I have a friend who was just recently diagnosed with Hodgkin’s, just like what I had. We were talking and she was venting as I was reminiscing and we ended up talking about our friends and how they reacted to our illness. Both myself and my friend are into chessed and we totally appreciate those people who want to be there for others and do all they can to help out. The problem is that most people don’t know how to help out.The desire is there, but the methods are completely wrong.To go into what people would need to do to shape up is pretty much a repeat of what I’ve been posting my entire blog--Don’t pretend you’re best friends with the person if you didn’t know her name before last week-Don’t come over uninvited or push offers on the people you never had anything to do with before-Don’t call and leave a zillion messages for the choleh- chances are she heard the first one and will either call you back when she feels like it or never…-Don’t become best friends with their sisters just to say that you have a CLOSE relationship to the family…

There are so many Don’ts running through my head right now but the more I write the more ridiculous they all sound. But the problem is that these Don’ts happen all the time.

Why is it that my friend is so glad that her friends are all married and live in Lakewood or Israel or really far away, and that they can’t come over and bug her even if they wanted to?

My friend knows that these girls who call 100 times a night only want to do chessed, but yet, the way they go about it is enough to make her glad that some of them are an ocean away.

We both feel that it’s so sad.

There are people out there who really do want to do good- they just don’t know how.

My friend was saying that she would love to tell them how, but some people just don’t want to listen. I think that’s worse than anything.

Being mevaker choleh is to do what’s good for the patient. If she’s trying to tell you what’s good for her, but you decide you know better, what good is that?

I hated to tell her that she’d probably come out of this illness thinking very differently about some people she’d never had an opinion about before. Instead of leaving well enough alone, I find that some people insist on putting themselves out there and making things so annoying and bothersome for the patient.

A simple card would say so much without all the bother.

I’m not trying to be negative. Not at all. I have friends and students who are always telling me that they want to volunteer for chessed programs and things, and I think that is so beautiful. I just wish more people would know what it’s like from the other point of view, from the side receiving the chessed.

I have to commend the people I’ve met who really took the time to understand and listen to what the patent’s needs really were, they were able to read between the lines and weren’t the girls that my mother had to lie to and say that I was sleeping, or on the other line, or overnight in the hospital, or that I was in Florida for the month… in order for them to stop calling.

It’s really hard for one to know the rules of the game and where to toe the line, but I think that with a little more sensitivity and a little less excitement to do what THEY feel is the RIGHT thing, we’d all be much better off.

And for the girl that I was supposed to “break up the night with” -This post is for you!Posted by J.A.P. at 10:26    http://jacancerpatient.blogspot.com/.      

The chessed of the mitzvah of Bikkur Cholim is to know when one’s presence is wanted and appreciated and understanding when the patient just wants peace and quiet. Not to misunderstand, Bikkur Cholim, in my opinion, can also be fulfilled by a phone call, letter or email.    

I sincerely hope this piece will enlighten others. May all chessed be done with a giving heart and a heart that understands.      

How Many Unexpected Mitzvot of Chessed Can One Do in One Day?

Recently a friend of mine related to me an unusual and interesting situation that her husband experienced of performing acts of chessed and of how many mitzvot constitute chessed.   

              They had traveled to a wedding out of town to be Mesameach choton vekalla (to make a bride and groom happy). Earlier that day they were informed that the husband’s eldest brother was in hospital after having a heart attack. And the wife of their Mesader Kiddushin (the Rav who officiated at his own wedding) had passed away.  Aside from the wedding, which was scheduled, the other “events” were not planned and as such “unexpected”.

            This man’s evening of chessed “between man and man” reminded me of the paragraph in the Morning Prayers Eilu Devorim (These are the things…). In it are mentioned different “services” a person might do for another: honoring one’s parents; acts of kindness; learning in the morning and in the evening; having guests; visiting the sick; helping a bride; “escorting” the dead to the grave; delving into prayer; and making peace between man and his fellow. And Talmud Torah equals them all.  (Hirsch Siddur)     Each of these mitzvot individually are not every day occurrences as each one relates to a specific circumstance at a given time. Yet as far as I understand, all are also considered acts of chessed for which there are rewards in this World by the personal satisfaction derived in the actual doing of the chessed.

             It was fascinating to me in that this man’s parents are not alive anymore. In Halacha one’s eldest siblings are likened to one’s parents with regard to Kibbud Horim (Honoring Parents). He visited his brother and did Bikkur Cholim (visiting the sick) and Kibbud “Av”(father). He made a Shiva call (comforting the mourner) which connects to burying the niftar (one who has passed away). He and his wife attended a wedding which connects to giving happiness to a bride and assisting her into marriage. In addition, this man traveled by taxi to the hospital to visit his brother and then yet another taxi to comfort the mourner so as to complete all his “chessed errands” in time to also attend the wedding. In so doing, he paid the taxi driver for services right away – thus fulfilling the mitzvah of paying one’s wages on time – a mitzvah and a chessed.

    It is truly remarkable to be able to fulfill such “opposite” experiential mitzvot and acts of kindness all in one night. Not everyone is emotionally capable at the time to go from joy and happiness to care, concern and worry; to empathy and sympathy – all with compassion and love for another human being. Yet this man accomplished his “duties”.

To Save but One Life is to Save a World

Abortion is happening on a daily basis – even in the hospital of the Holy City of Tzfat. The Tzfat hospital caters to a large area of the North – including many kibbutzim and Arab villages. The “Abortion Phenomenon” is not only amongst female soldiers or young teenagers, but also married women with children who are overwhelmed by finances and marital strife. It is rare for a Halachic ruling to permit an abortion – usually only if the mother’s physical health is in danger or her mental status (as in suicidal tendencies) warrants it based on a doctor’s recommendation in consultation with a Rav.       

 The EFRAT organization based in Yerushalayim was established in 1977 with this purpose in mind – to avoid abortions and save lives yet to be born.  In 1989, Nefesh Achat B’Yisrael, another organization was founded to help in the difficulties of a medically strained pregnancy. In Tzfat there is a branch offshoot “combining” the two called Irgun Chaya that began over 18 years ago run by Chabad. I spoke with two of the women involved in the organization about the work they do.        

 One woman has been involved since its inception and was the catalyst for the Irgun Chaya. In Chabad, people go out to do Mitzvot in a public manner – in this case it was the mitzvah of Bikur Cholim and talking with female patients about the importance of Taharat HaMishpacha (Family Purity) in the hospital. On one such visit to the hospital there was a young female soldier in for an abortion. The Chabad woman didn’t even know that abortions were being performed in Tzfat let alone on a daily basis. She spoke with the soldier and explained and informed her of other options to deal with the situation. She was successful but plans for the procedure were already in place. The head doctor was spoken to but there was nothing to be done. Soldiers are “allowed” two abortions free and the third has to be paid for.       The women in Irgun Chaya (ten, at present) are all volunteers entailing talking with females of all ages, offering support emotionally, discussing choices, and through the organization of EFRAT there is often financial aid or items given for the newborn (baby supplies – crib, stroller; babysitters; counseling, and guidance in connecting to other organizations). These services are above and beyond what any social worker can or will do.        

 Who helps these women with counseling from “post-partum depression” that choose in any case to abort? Young teenagers are especially impressionable and naïve. Many are in denial and refuse to take the responsibility for themselves to take birth control – for if they don’t take anything, it is as if the pregnancy “just happened”.      

Medically speaking, every time a woman chooses to have an abortion there is a risk for future chances of pregnancy as well as the possible “after-effects” of having had an abortion – guilt and depression.   There is a need for volunteers to assist with this mitzvah in paperwork and at the hospital. There is the hope that one day there will be a room available in the hospital to talk privately with a woman considering an abortion, to discuss her options. As of now the situation is that there is a medical review committee twice a week specifically for abortions. The hospital frequently changes the time slot to avoid these courageous women.       But in spite of the hospital staff’s animosity to Irgun Chaya’s efforts, many are the successes. Women have been persuaded to change their minds and have kept their pregnancies to full-term and birth. Most of these children know they were not at first “wanted’ and all the more are their parents grateful for their life.     

One true story told to me by one of the woman I spoke to that happened about twenty years ago. A woman was contemplating an abortion and was discussing it with the pharmacist at the time of purchasing medications. He convinced her otherwise. She kept the pregnancy and some time later gave birth to a baby boy. He grew up. Flash-forward to army-age: a young Yeshiva bochur in Chevron being attacked and stabbed almost to his death. An Israeli soldier steps in to save him. The Yeshiva bochur was the son of the woman who almost aborted him. The soldier was the son of the pharmacist.      Many are the miracles of Hashem. And one never knows for what reason we were put on this world.     

For more information or if one would like to volunteer…     

 please contact Yehudis Rothchild: 04-697-3036 .

An E-mail Addict For Chessed

            Chana is an e-mail addict for almost anything religiously Jewish. She has immense fulfillment in sharing and helping others through her various email listings and postings. Her e-mails range from Torah to name lists for davening. She sends out e-mails for Torah ideas and Divrei Torah that have an impact on her.   Chana is also responsible for the efforts (and successes) of many women of all ages (from young girls to older women) who keep to a commitment of reciting daily Tehillim allotments. This undertaking happened as a result of the beginning of the Intifada on October 7, 2000 when Kever Yosef was taken from the Jews. It was during the days between Yom Kippur and Succot. Chana made phone calls amongst her friends and the females got together during Chol HaMoed Succot and recited Tehillim. Although the desire to continue meeting as a group was in everyone’s heart, the short winter days and return to school/work schedules altered the idea. Instead the individuals involved took it upon themselves to continue their commitment – but at home.   Over the years the group has grown such that the Sefer Tehillim is now recited twice a day – morning and late afternoon. According to HaRav Mordechai Twersky, each person gets credit as if they recited the entire Book of the Tehillim twice each day, even though their actual portion was only in the morning or the afternoon.      Anyone interested in starting their own group?                   

  Would You Please Daven For…?       

 A different e-mail list that gets sent out is the Name List of people who are sick and in need of special davening. It came into being as just a personal list – which means to say that in communication with people on the street or in correspondence, names of people were mentioned. These names were then sent out as lists to others to pass on the power of prayer. The lists became longer as the names and requests multiplied.        Chana became frustrated when people did not always “update” her on the status (recovered, or ch”v niftar) of the person behind the name being davened for. A decision was made for a davening list with an integrated follow-up. She still sends out names that come to her as “One Time Prayer Requests”. But there is also a Tzfat Connections Prayer List.       And the lists became an international project.

Chana decided on guidelines for this venture: 

1)      The Name List (Tzfat Connections Prayer List) e-mails are sent out in Hebrew or in English. 2)      Certain “status” information along with the name – reason of why the name is given,city, and age (infant, illness, surgery, old age).    3)  Anyone can receive a list to daven for the Names in their own time schedule. But a Sponsor has to follow the guidelines written above.  

A commitment to the Tzfat Connections Prayer List means:  

1) Having an e-mail address and preferably a printer, too. 
2) One needs to look at their e-mails daily (not on Shabbat or Yom Tov)
3) Davening for the names on the List means that the Names are read out loud  -daily-six days a week
4) A person can give a name – be a Sponsor – to the List however this entails a responsibility to also daven for all the others on this List. Once a name is given and put on the List, the Sponsor is expected to periodically update Chana so she can update the List on how the “davened” name is doing. Old names are moved to the bottom of the List (or removed when the name has recovered (or was ch”v niftar).     In Yerushalayim, at the Kotel there is a Nishmat Kol Chai Minyan at midnight. Men and women gather – each on their own side of the mechitza (the dividing wall). During this special Tefilla (prayer service), there is also a List of names that people daven for. The names are abundant; and often names are added by the many in attendance at the Minyan. Each name (including the Tzfat Connections Prayer List) is recited out loud for all to answer Amen.     

 The power of prayer with kavana (real emotional intent) can move even the simple person to tears. Prayer (davening) is awesome!  A prayer Name List is an up and coming enterprise. People throughout the world have prayer e-mail chains. Anyone interested in starting their own group should do so and decide their own guidelines to follow.       

When Helping Others Helps Yourself

      My friend, Johanna, is a “Jill of all trades” – helping others with her mind and body in a way that work together.     She is into healthy cooking and often she and her husband have guests for Shabbat.  She learned this trait while growing up in her parent’s home in England. Often there were boarders, too. And there was always enough room to feed as many as were at the table.

     Johanna also does massage and reflexology to women as part of her parnassa. That is one of the reasons I went to her – my ankle problem and her ability to assuage some of the pain I was in.     I had met Johanna in town in several places – the English library, the woman’s writing group and at mutual friends’ homes. I got to know her and found out the varied talents she has a writer and as alternative “therapist”.

     She has helped me in my early typing stints at the computer and continues to give me “freebies” for foot massages. In the beginning I paid for her services (albeit at reduced rates). But that changed and became a bonus for me. A few months ago a computer job was offered me; however I realized I was not properly qualified for the job. I recommended Johanna. As a “gift” to me when she visits she gives me a foot massage in recognition that I helped her with parnassa.   

   Johanna is also the lady people turn to when they plan a trip out of town – to collect their mail, water their plants or other small errands. 

    Johanna, in the past was instrumental in the English library being open an extra time-slot during the week – once a week in the evening– a position she held for over a year. Before then the library was open two mornings and one afternoon during the week.    And she always seems to be doing for others what they cannot quite do for themselves. Why? Because she is the type of person who steps in to assist when the need arises.  She does so simply because she can.  Nor does she care for any official recognition.

Let Us Wake Up to the World Around Us

The Earth we live in, the land we walk on and the plants and vegetation we grow – our lives and how we live. Our ENVIRONMENT. The air we breathe, the grounds and plants surrounding us, the food we prepare and eat. Pollution and its health issues, forestry and gardens, better and healthier nutrition – all are becoming a more common trend in our AWARENESS to all of these things that has been awakened – even and finally in Tzfat.
       The Center for Healthy Living in Tzfat המרכז לחיים בריאים בצפת-מרכז ל.ב.ב.   is a non-profit organization (amuta-עמותה) that was founded in 2005 with the philanthropic aid and vision of Moshe Tov Kreps.   

It all began when Moshe Tov noticed a few people around town involved in ways to better the over-all atmosphere of living in Tzfat through the education and awareness on ecology. In the early days, everything connected with The Center was in Moshe Tov’s home.  It is only recently that a place was bought in the Artist Quarter that would serve for its many functions (as well as future projects) enabling all people who are interested to meet – to do so in one place and under one roof.        The people involved and those who participate are mostly English-speakers however some Israelis and other diverse people are becoming more aware and joining. The wish is for any and all who want; to be able to join/participate can do so.     
 Two of the people who first initiated this concept were Shmuel and Allison Ofanansky. The Ofanansky couple, after making Aliya to Tzfat, was very active in the planting of Steve’s Garden (in memory of Steven Levine) in the Old City of Tzfat that was planted in 1996. Years ago when compost and recycling were considered a thing only Americans in America did (I’m an American, so I can only write about what little I know); Shmuel and Allison were enlightening the people of Tzfat to a better and healthier reality.   
   Some in the community were “struggling” financially in their professions of alternative health due to rental fees for their offices outside their homes. Moshe Tov, being the quiet philanthropist, aided with financial expertise and “seed money” at his fingertips, but even more so with the greater need for a central place for people to” meet and treat” whether it be ecology, environment, or health; classes or workshops. He was and is the catalyst behind The Center that organizes everyone.      The purposes of The Center are to improve the quality of life within the economy and the environment. To add a social dimension and sustainability that connects “the person to family and community” within a complimentary and healthy system.   
   Some activities at The Center are classes in yoga by Miriam Friedman; and Chi Gung (and martial arts activities for children) by NatanYa Gress-Levy. So far there have been workshops on building solar ovens; and the uses of native local plants for medicine, health and nutritious food.
      A lot of effort and emotional energies have been put out and into developing community service projects. One such project is environmental awareness of recycling bottles – a rather new concept for Tzfat as I personally can recall that years ago Y’lem already had special separate dumpsters for bottles and newspapers in many neighborhoods, and Tzfat had nothing until 2006.      
   One member who participates in activities at The Center is Adina Rosen, a Breslover. She was contacted by Nachal Novea Tzfat Fund about a grant given to create an environment program within the Breslov Community of Tzfat to improve and beautify the city. NNTF is a Breslov organization established to help in the restoration and beautification of the Holy city of Tzfat.  
    One of its first projects was in recycling bottles. The Center works together on the recycling project run by the environmental program of Nachal Novea Tzfat Fund. In the beginning the bottles were collected by The Center and brought down to Rosh Pina. The first recycling dumpster was not far from Moshe Tov’s home. The Center provides dumpsters in the Artist Quarter neighborhood for the recycling. The Center together with Nachal Novea now provides dumpsters in 20 locations around the city of Tzfat. It is hoped that this program will eventually be picked up by the municipality itself and expanded to cover the entire city. 
      One program of the NNTF is “To Everything There is a Process” ((לכל דבר יש תהליך. Shmuel Ofanansky was also hired by NNTF towards this purpose. The Center works together with the Breslov community as they organize activities with the Breslov Cheder that focus on the environment as well as outings.  The Center exposes people – including the children – to an environmental education of what is around us and how we benefit from it, and what can be done to improve and preserve what there is.
      This past year shortly before Chanuka, Shmuel came to the Cheder with a slide-show showing the process of the “masik”-the olive harvest from the picking to maintaining and pruning the trees, sorting and cleaning the olives and taking them to the olive-press. He explained the ecology of olives and the process of olives in a tree through to making olive oil. The Center and the Cheder had an outing during the “olive harvest”. The boys were able to see with their own eyes the abundance of Hashem as it “rained olives on their heads”- while experiencing up close and first-hand and picking the olives.
       Last year’s War made many people realize how important community really is. Eliyahu Alpern, another member of The Center and a renowned photographer (specializing of panoramic views) was phenomenal in brain-storming in fund-raising and procuring monies for several people devastated by the destruction of the War in their own homes. As a result of certain members’ connections with people in the States, funds came in and youth groups came and visited and volunteered.
      An ongoing project at the moment is the restoring of Gan Ziffer – a park in the Artist’s Quarter not far from the Rimonim Hotel. Moshe Ziffer was a sculptor who lived and worked in Tzfat from the 50’s during the heyday of the original Artists’ Quarter until his death in 1989. He bequeathed his home, studio and sculpture garden to the city municipality. His sculptures were designed to create a view of balance and harmony.  Plans include maintaining and restoring the beauty and tranquility of the garden using ecological and permaculture principles such as water cachement and composting, add plantings suited to the environment while at the same time restore and preserve the outdoor sculptures.  Plant life would include the Seven Species of the Land of Israel. The hope is that Gan Ziffer can be a haven –a  place of solace and relief.– a therapeutic park dedicated to solace and relief  from the PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) of this past year’s trauma to so many and ultimately  a resource center for creative arts therapy for the children of the region. 

One Woman’s Chessed Multiplied for Many Women

       “Behind every great man is a woman” is a well-known phrase that rings true for many events and projects in Tzfat. This woman (who chooses to remain anonymous),besides being a supportive wife, is the person behind the scenes even on what she herself organizes.        As a woman who lives in Tzfat, I have seen up close the results of this woman’s endeavors. One being the organized get-togethers for women for/on Rosh Chodesh .Women have a special relationship to Rosh Chodesh. On Rosh Chodesh, we say “Hallel” and “Yaaleh VeYavo” in our davening. And in many places around the world, there are organized get-togethers for women for/on Rosh Chodesh. So, too, are there in Tzfat.       Another project she undertook was the Orthodox Women’s Phone Service which gave information about lectures, classes, public sales and a short Dvar Torah. It ran for many years and only recently ceased to function due to lack of funding.       Although this woman is very busy (besides being a wife and mother) as a teacher in different places and teaching several few topics, she also runs an educational “business” from her home.       In spite of all these activities, she took on yet another activity about five years ago – by chance. She organizes a Religious Women’s Retreat in Rosh Pina for English-Speakers.      It all began on a family outing to Rosh Pina – a walk in its Old City when someone needed to use the restrooms. They were walking along a street with many B&B (bed and breakfast) and saw a woman in her front yard. Her name, as they soon learned is Tehilla. She offered them the use of the restrooms, as well as inviting them in for a short while. The woman in our story and her family were quite spellbound by the quaintness and coziness of this B&B in Rosh Pina –Villa Tehilla.

      Villa Tehilla: large expanse of land enclosed in an atmosphere of quaint, rustic, in the heart of Nature. Cobble-stone grounds, individual and different rooms, parakeets, a pool and separate Jacuzzi and a billiard table. Walk down more cobble stones and steps and one enters an enchanted and magical (almost mystical) garden area replete with several hammocks and cobalt metal blue chairs or picnic benches and wooden chaise swings. And a small petting zoo. Not to mention the view in all directions.     Upon this woman’s return to Tzfat, she talked with a few of her friends about possibly enjoying the Villa Tehilla at a future date. After many phone calls and notices put out, a plan was devised and about 20 women went on their first “sleepover” for one night only (the fee included only the beds they slept on) to Villa Tehilla. As the place does not have Mehadrin supervision it was suggested that each woman bring the food they enjoyed.       The second year, the retreat was lengthened to two nights and one cooked meal was provided in addition to the “sleepover”. The meal was cooked by this woman. The food was tasty. But after everyone returned home, she became debilitated physically and overwhelmed. She realized that even with all her efforts, she needed to delegate responsibility to others when possible. Sort of like Moshe Rabbeinu in the Midbar.       In subsequent Retreats, she has hired a caterer and young girl to help with setting up the food. The food is “specialized” in that after each Retreat she asks how to improve on the menu offered. The palates of the English-speaking clientele seek out recipes with minimal oil and fresh flavorful salads –a menu of natural tasting food, which is what offered.

      What this woman has come to realizes about the retreats and why the need for one specifically for English-speakers is that a sense of relaxation occurs when the “hustle and bustle” of the every day are put on hold for the woman to replenish herself in a care-free environment, to do with herself as she pleases. Meals are like an “open bar”. The lectures are available for one to enter, sit, listen and enjoy. The pool, Jacuzzi and the gardens are all accessible to whoever whenever. Nothing is a “have to” but a “can, want, do”. Some women come to meet others and some come for solitude. All should be respected in what they choose.       At times, this woman has considered it necessary to “distance” herself in order to protect herself. She cannot handle any complaints or negativity – especially not during the retreat itself. All her energies are expended in preparation of when to put out notices advertising the retreat, the ensuing phone calls to accommodate individual needs as roommates, food allergies–if any, and payment instructions – all of these aspects require emotional distance to survive the responsibility as someone in charge.  Her family is very supportive during the two months duration – of the before, during and after. Her husband takes on certain family responsibilities that are not his usual.  
      
 Consequently, given all these factors, she decided to charge a higher price for the retreat. But it is still quite reasonable. For three women in a room and six meals altogether – two nights and three days –the fee was 620 SH a woman.       I know as this past summer, 2007, I participated in my first retreat. Aside from all the “attractions” I mentioned above, there were also lectures: one on Shalom Bayit; another to do with shidduchim by an experienced shadchanit; one older woman spoke about her experiences during the Holocaust and being in hiding-she only made Aliya two years ago to be near her daughter; and one woman spoke about the “lost” Jews of Portugal (the anussim). I found the lectures mesmerizing as did many others. We sat at the edges of our chairs begging for more. I did!        All photos courtesy of Rochel Black.  To order copies of these or other photos, via photomax.com, contact atrblack@hotmail.com.       For more information on the Religious Women’s Retreat for English-Speakers in Rosh Pina, please call 04-692-5251. 

The Family That Always Looks Up

       In Tzfat there is family that “embraces” children experiencing Down’s syndrome. When I look at them with their children I see a family always looking UP – a positive outlook but when things get tough, they look up – to Hashem.
        There are families that after the initial “shock” of having a child with Down’s gear up to the task at hand – raising a child with developmental delays and possible health problems of the heart, lungs, intestines and teeth.  Parents get proactive. They research the early intervention treatments available and diligently attend sessions for the benefit and over-all health of their child. They find the joy there is in having a child with Down’s along with its difficulties and stresses.

       Having a child with Down’s syndrome can be emotionally difficult for anyone but for many families there are still those who feel it is a stigma and are embarrassed by their child. This need not be the case, but unfortunately it all too often is.
       Regretfully, there are families that although they realize their limitations in raising a child with Down’s – not necessarily because of the stigma it might cause – but because they have several children and they don’t think they can devote the time needed towards their child. Others just abandon their baby at the onset in the hospital shortly after the birth.

       Much has been written on the Down’s infant and early intervention programs, what to expect health-wise, as well as how cheerful and loving they are growing up. Reality mirrors the books along with the day to day struggles.       The Ben-Baruchs, Chaya and Yisroel, made Aliya from Alaska over ten years ago as a family of six. What is so remarkable about them is that although one child was born to them with Down’s, they later chose to adopt a child specifically with Down’s so that their son would not grow up alone. Now their family has expanded – not by birth – but rather by other Down’s children abandoned at the hospital or by word of mouth to step in and talk/counsel new families to the joys (and tribulations) of living with Down’s on a day to day basis.
     The Ben-Baruchs did not from the start of their marriage choose to be parents to children who experience Down’s. It happened by Divine Providence. The first two children were born without too much difficulty and all went pretty much as planned. There were a couple of miscarriages thrown in to challenge them. At the fifth pregnancy a fervent prayer went out from Chaya’s mouth – “Please let this child live!” And live he did, and does. In the beginning, some of his features of Down’s were not as noticeable. Chaya asked the midwife if he was Down’s. The midwife was not sure and said “Just take him home and love him.” A week later his heart problem, typical in babies who have Down’s, was detected.  By the age of three months he had heart surgery.

     As part of the Ben-Baruchs diligence and involvement to caring for their newborn Down’s son, they attended a conference for families and professionals of Special Needs kids. They were very impressed with what one woman said about her twins who died at age eighteen of a congenital disease. She spoke of how happy she was that the twins had each other growing up. After hearing this story the Ben-Baruchs decided to pursue adopting a child with Down’s. This second child with Down’s brought the family up to four kids at the time of Aliya.
       The idea of having a child born with Down’s for some might be a tragedy, but the Ben-Baruchs, after having one born to them, see it as a “mission” to help others realize the joy that can be found and not as a tragedy. The Ben-Baruchs advocate for the care and love needed for these children. Having a child with Down’s is not a misfortune as some may think – it is work – but well worth the rewards. Anyone can give birth to a Down’s baby – it is not genetic or hereditary -and rare for it to happen more than once in an extended family.

        She and her husband, Yisrael, have also become foster parents. Shortly after they were living in Tzfat, it was brought to their attention about a one month old baby in the hospital – abandoned. It took a month of dealing with bureaucracy before she joined the family as a foster child on a permanent basis. They are not allowed to adopt this child, now nine and a half years old, as the Revacha (social services) have not given permission. The Revacha does not allow one to adopt more than two children with Down syndrome.
       After taking home this baby, the Ben-Baruchs began receiving phone calls from time to time asking if they could speak to families that had just given birth to a Down’s baby. They do so and much more. They listen and talk and listen some more. They advise and guide families in a calm and serene manner.

      About two years ago, the Ben-Baruchs were contacted numerous times about a baby abandoned at the hospital with the most complex of medical problems of all the Down’s children they have cared for to date. Some time after meeting this little fellow when he was just less than two months old, they jumped in as his foster parents. But there is still a kesher (contact) with his birth mother from time to time. He was released from the hospital when he was six months old.
      Nonetheless the phone calls keep coming. And unfortunately, although the Ben-Baruchs are on call and meet with families, babies are still rejected just because they were born with the extra chromosome that makes them Down’s. And when needed the Ben-Baruchs are the foster family until a family gets a handle on what it is to be a parent to their own child so the baby need not suffer alone in the hospital..

      Government stipends are not the reason the Ben-Baruchs do what they do. The minimal money allotted is but a drop in the bucket for caring for a “normal” child let alone one with special needs. The Ben-Baruchs are people who are caring, devoted loving parents in every sense of what a parent should be.

      They are involved with Birkat Haderech, a place for explaining and saving children with special needs from abandonment by their birth parents; to offer these families knowledge and emotional support to care for the child, or to help find appropriate homes for long-term foster care when needed. They have a therapeutic staff (doctors and social workers), and respite care when families need a break. They are always looking for more families who are willing to take an abandoned special needs child.
    As an advocate for Down’s, Chaya is a public speaker and lectures for and about Down’s and Special Needs children in high schools and other various groups.    They can be contacted through chaya2426@013.net.               

Even If or When You Don’t Have Money

In my building is a family by the name of Nemeroff, that although they live off their government Bituach Leumi (Israel “Social Security) stipend, they are always involved with chessed. The husband has continuously been on the Vaad Bayit (building and landlord committee) that is a huge time-consuming and emotional responsibility.     But that is only one of several chessed occupations he has taken on. Although he and his family do not have much in the means of money, he is the unofficial “checking account” for many who do not or cannot use checks. He uses his checks for others and they “pay” him before his check is deducted from his account. This is a risk that he has chosen as he feels it is important to help others if he can-and so he does.        Often he “disappears” for hours at a time after the Maariv services as he goes out collecting and “fund-raising” for others who have less money than him so as to provide something for them. This, too, is very time-consuming, but he feels it necessary.       I personally experienced the Nemeroff’s kindnesses as an almost daily occurrence. When I returned home shortly after Chanuka (after last summer’s War) and my Ankle Fusion surgery and convalescence, I was not very mobile and was in need of assistance for many trivial things that we take for granted as simple day-to-day errands. I live alone on the top floor of a hi-rise building (with three entrances) and the elevator was not always in working order.       They did and still do collect my mail from town, provide me with milk; and during the winter months frequented the Beit HaTavshil (soup kitchen) in order to supply me with nutritional-quality food.        If the husband was too exhausted at the end of his day to stop over at my home, his wife or sometimes even the two older daughters, nine and fourteen, would come in their stead. Once in my home, the fourteen year old frequently helped me hang out laundry, take out my trash, or organize last-minute things before Shabbat.       The wife would visit me in my times of loneliness and boredom.  It was an ordeal for me to go out on my own 9to my many medical appointments) with a wheelchair and then into a taxi, so she often assisted me. This was often at the expense of her own home obligations.      I have much gratitude and hakarat hatov for all they have done for me and immense respect for all they do for others. Just because one is not “well-to-do’ does not mean one cannot be involved with chessed!

Torah Right to Your Hand – and a Shul for the Heart

Living up in the Northern part of Israel, I always wondered how the Torah Tidbits made their way into town. It’s not like paper walks. And they were in almost every shul and several shops that an English-speaker might enter.  

   Until one day I found out who was and is responsible for the Torah Tidbits to arrive on a weekly basis. It is only recently that I realized that Torah Tidbits is also on-line. And as not everyone has a computer, the actual delivered Torah Tidbits are even more appreciated – and not a problem in reading on Shabbat!    

Torah Tidbits first appeared on the scenery of Tzfat about nine years ago and when the woman responsible for its arrangement left town, Shmuel Polsky decided to take over. This necessitates communication with Phil/Toni Chernofsy of the Israel Center in Y’lem to organize pick-up and delivery and timing and is important for the smooth running of all aspects of this project.     In my talking with him, I found him to be a man of modesty about what he does. But upon “questioning” I understood how committed his and his family’s involvement is in the community. And he doesn’t think that what he does is at all a “big deal”. But I do. Because of his efforts, many people in Tzfat (more than he realizes) have the opportunity to read “easy-to-understand” Dvrei- Torah on Shabbat.      His dedication to the community is “mamesh gevaldig” in and as he is the gabbai (along with Meir Glaser) in the Beirav Shul. He has this position for the past nine years that it is like second nature to him. In his capacity as gabbai he is also the fundraiser for the shul and is in charge of programming. 

    The Beirav Shul (http://www.beirav.org/) is located in the Old city of Tzfat and is often known as the Carlebach Shul for its regular Shabbat davening popularity of singing with the melodies of Rav Shlomo Carlebach z”tl.      The shul follows the attitude “to appreciate each and every Jew for who they are – no judgments”. Jews of all types enter the shul to bursting on Friday night davening. Religious and non-religious people of all styles sing and dance together – each on their separate sides (as in religious places men and women do not usually dance together). The emphasis is one of אחדות, קירוב, ואהבת ישראל – Achdut, Kiruv, and Ahavat Yisrael. The shul is the work of Hashem; the people who run it are its shlichim (messengers).    

Shmuel also assists people in looking to experience Tzfat, find a place to stay for Shabbat or a Holiday. He is always happy to help a Jew experience the energy in the shul.     

But the chessed does not stop with Shmuel. It is a family endeavor to which each is involved in their own way. His wife Tzivia holds many positions within the shul – amongst them being secretary, treasurer and “administrator” on the ladies side (in the event of over-crowding) and to keep things under control. Their son, who served in their Israeli Army, and kept the Mitzvot, is well- liked and popular in his platoon. To this day he still keeps in contact with his fellow soldiers and from time to time organizes group outings for the “gang”. At one event – bowling and pizza – he gave a Dvar Torah that his fellow ex-soldiers were so impressed by that to this day they are all still in touch with one another.    

The attitudes and teachings that are the foundation of the shul are also the manner in which Shmuel and his family interact with all who come in contact with them. Chessed is the way of life.  

  The Beirav Shul is open to all. Please come and experience the Achdut and Ahavat Yisrael for yourself. Every Shabbat and Chag there are “gevaldig” davening – come one, come all – enjoy the experience. You won’t regret it.      Contact Shmuel Polsky to reserve a seat in the shul beiravcarlebach@bezeqint.net or by telephone 04-692-1849